Please can everyone stop growing up. I’m not quite ready yet. Thank you.

25 Jul

Babies and Engagements, neither apply directly to me which I’m sure the queue of admirers at my door will be pleased to know. It’s very exciting stuff for two of my bessies, Miss S.J Mayson (baby news) and Miss C. Groves (Wedding news).  With the recent news I’ve acquired a new job / soon to be string to my bow. I’m now (will be in approximate 4 months time) responsible for being the most outstanding Auntie a child could wish for, competing with LP and Miss C. Heats. I’ve got my work cut out, firstly LP (air to the world renowned Farmer Parrs of Fleetwood, housing the best and most comical animals in the North-West) has a whole farm at her finger tips to bribe the new arrival with. I have no animals, bar my imaginary sausage Dog to offer. Then there’s Cheatone, she’s already been penned as the ‘Naughty Auntie’ with her sole purpose to explain the ‘Birds and the Bees’, ok so she’s got a few years to grow into her role but it’s a role none the less. I however, live 250 miles from all the action, therefore my new responsibility / competition means I shall be frequenting the delights of the North-West on a monthly basis in the coming months to make sure I get in on the pre-natal events. Apart from bonding with my Bessie over her enlarging abdomen, it also means northern charity shops, some of the best in the land, mainly because the old biddies mark down all the tat that I see as treasure. Good times ahead.

During my ‘May’ visit to see SJ and the ‘bump’, which I’m told is now the size of a Banana, I particularly enjoy measuring ‘our’ new bambino to the size of Fruit, of which I shall be doing right up until the big reveal.  Anyway, during my May visit I gathered a few lovely little charity treats, with special thanks to SJ and Bump for following me around the C-Shops of Fleetwood. I picked up a beach dress which conveniently doubles up as a skirt for my forth coming holiday, pictures to follow post holiday. A very smart and equally as pretty polka dot skirt, which after a quick pit stop to see Grandma Alice and Eddie on my way back to London was matched with a striped jumper, courtesy of Alice (of which I was informed was also bought from a charity shop)  Both Old skool Marks and Sparks numbers.  The complete outfit below whilst in Milan.O on a recent work trip.


Some red jeans also made the cut (look better than they sound). A super Charity trip, until I saw ‘The Sprouter’. I have a strong aversion to sprouting things, I think it stems back from an unfortunetly close encounter with a man on the tube once that had something growing / sprouting from his arm, I’ve never really got over it. This made me feel a little ill. If anyone is interested I’m sure it’s still sitting on the shelf in Oxfam in Fleetwood. It’s so wrong, I hope I never own anything called ‘the sprouter’ in my lifetime.


All the news of people getting on with being grownups made me feel rather strange.  I had a brief spell of thinking that perhaps I should be growing up, then I spent possibly  too much valuable time ’Planking’, it was then I realised it’s a good job I’m not subjecting some poor soul to spending the rest of their life with me just  yet OR bringing a human into the world, I think I’ll stick to the cheap childish laughs for now and work on my ‘Best Auntie’ moves and on convincing Char to get her wedding night lingerie from a charity shop .

In other news I’ve just been given a small packet of crisps from the air hostess called ‘SpudMuckers’ I don’t know why but I think this sounds disgusting. I’m writing this while on a plane on my way back from Milan, the Italian woman in the row opposite me has been having panic attacks from the runway, the strong turbulence  doesn’t seem to be helping, I offered her some of my Rescue drops but I don’t think she understood that I was actually trying to help, I think she thought I was trying to set some sort of bomb off in her mouth with my ‘illegal’ liquids. More fool you Italiano woman, the rescue drops would have sorted you right out.

I’ve had 5 days lapping the Italian sun, three for work, two for pleasure. Apart from begin in a bellisimo hotel and generally having a lovely time, the best thing about Milan has to be the amount of Daschunds on show, on average I’d say I saw one every 18 minutes. They were all good, apart from one really angry one that had a go at me, possibly because I was trying to mess with him in the street. Apart from the above dotty, striped charity shop combo, I also cracked out a recent buy one night for dinner. A floaty black and flowery shirt. Went down a treat with all the Italians. Whilst wearing my floaty black and flowery shirt at dinner (see picture below, then imagine me with a sligtly shocked face) something rather unusual happened, I was given a ‘lady menu’(for anyone who is unfamiliar with a ‘lady menu’ it’s the same as a ‘gentleman’s menu’ just without any prices). Not that unusual considering I am a lady but still it did actually shock me. This still happens apparently. I was torn between enjoying the feeling of such a traditional custom and ripping of my bra and burning it in the middle of the restaurant. In the end I kept quiet and enjoyed the moment.


Between seeing as much of Milan as possible, wearing myself out and eating lots of delicious food, I also managed to track down a Milanese charity shop. This was a worthwhile find. I would highly recommend this shops to any vintage / charity savvy shoppers visiting Milan. It was called Humana Vintage located a couple of minutes walk from the Duomo of Via Dogana, aptly named with all the sausage dogs about. The profits go to Humana People to People (HPP) international development projects in Mozambique, working in Southern Africa in the fight against poverty and HIV/AIDS. It’s like a trendy Oxfam Vintage shop. It was full of real vintage pieces mainly from the 70s for men and women. I left with a vintage red dress with lovely lace detail. I have a few mods to make of it but will most probably crack it out on my hols so will get a picture of it up soon.


In between the excitement of getting my new bike up and running I’ve managed to  unpacked my Milanese charity shop treasure and the Gelato I’ve brought back and re-pack again for a short trip for such a long flight trip to Mauritius to catch some rays. Obvs will be cracking out some of my more scantily clad charity shop pieces whilst planking around the island.


2 Responses to “Please can everyone stop growing up. I’m not quite ready yet. Thank you.”

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